I had never realized that the word DANGER has ANGER in it, but that really resonated with me. Danger: Anger ahead! Righteous anger can be very useful, but at some point, it can become dangerous. Maybe it's a psychological protection or advantage to "nurse one's wrath" at times, especially if someone is trying to right a wrong for someone.
But for me, the anger I have been feeling over the attempt to make me commit fraud at my former job is not serving me well, at all! I have not properly dealt with the confusion and fright I felt, or my fear at being without a job, and just lump it into "anger." As the college students say, I was "triggered!" I think it's easier to feel the anger than to feel the fear.
The fear and fury has been just sticking me right into a molasses mindset! Stuck, scared! So, I'm working on that. I went to the cathedral yesterday and just sat two hours. Said the rosary several times, lighted candles, poured my troubles out to Jesus and Mary. Sometimes I am like a child who wants to be told she is right, and get a pat on the head and a lollipop! I felt that Mary did indeed give me that sweet pat and sent me out much stronger and calmer.
Going to the cathedral always gives me "ganas." Ganas is the Spanish word for "guts" or "gumption," for energy, for effort. If you tell someone "Ponle ganas!" it exhorts them to "get crackin'" and to take heart, to TRY! The very air in the church tells me íPonle ganas! (Pohn-lay Gah-nass!) Pick yourself up, try! (see the candle flames like dots above the holy candles, to the right of the photo above? One of them is the Bloggie Frens candle!)
I was energized after being in the silent, cool church. I put up some indoor Hallowe'en decorations! Not much, but it feels like enough for this year. Closer to Hallowe'en I will get a pumpkin. I got the vintage cutouts for something like 30 cents after the season at Hobby Lobby in years' past.
And there is nothing like NATURE to get one's head on right and put things into perspective! I went for a drive and took my husband along, as it cheers him, also. We went from the very bottom of the Mesilla Valley to the foothills of the nearby Organ Mountains.
The big reservoir upstream from us is not releasing any more water into the Rio Grande this year. It will not run again until March or April of next year. Now there's just a ribbon of water in the center of the river. I walked around in the riverbed and was so surprised to see that freshwater mussels of some sort clearly live in the river!
In a few days, even the ribbon of water will be gone.
You can see the mountains on the horizon. We left the river and drove up to them. It only takes about 15 minutes to drive to the foothills.
What do you do to lift your flagging spirits or to combat anger and fear? Do you seek out nature? I know some of you do, from reading your delightful blogs. Do you also like to go into darkened churches to recharge and seek guidance? Or are you more the cup-of-tea or bubble-bath type? I like all of those things!
Kind regards,
The Olde Dame, Holly
I had not thought that Danger has Anger in it, good point. Like you, when I am tense or worried, I walk outside and enjoy the beauty of nature, and I pray. Your cathedral looks full of loving energy.
ReplyDeleteYes, the beauty of nature, so healing! Thank you for your comment.
DeleteDuring a very troubling time in my life, I would go to the river. I would pick up some dry leaves as there are always some about. Whatever my worries were, I would take a leaf and label it with one worry and put it in the river to float away - gone! Then the next leaf and next worry, and so on.
ReplyDeleteFor you: Have you ever read the letter from Fra Giovanni?
I like your leaf idea. Let the troubles float away...I have not read the letter from Fra Giovanni, I will do so.
DeleteYou could likely write volumes about the danger brought about by anger...and I have felt the kind of anger you are experiencing. Despite how many times my father said "life isn't fair," it was lost on me....somehow I always feel like it SHOULD be and, yes, it angers me that it isn't. Deescalation techniques? I'm sure you know some of mine by now... yes, nature is a huge one for me...But wandering in antique stores....and greenhouses...sometimes soothes my soul. All things old speak to my soul and sometimes touching things...or even just seeing things someone from long, long, ago touched or that brought them joy gives me a bit of perspective. And greenhouses? Well, I suppose it is a bit of an extension of the nature thing...it's difficult to hang on to an ugly thing like anger when you are amongst beauty. ~Robin~
ReplyDeleteRobin you are so right! Your dad's words were wise but I dig in like a mule and say, "Not fair that it's not fair!" And you are so right about visiting greenhouses, too. I will admit, I do go into the old greenhouses still in use on the nearby university (without permission...)...I touch nothing...just enjoy the smell and the wonderfully humid feeling! It's such a strange feeling, like wading through the air!
DeleteHow pretty your Halloween decorations are!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Joanne!
DeleteI'm sorry you have the leftover hurt and anger left after your awful experience in the last job. It sounds to me like you're definitely taking steps that are helping to find a way past it all.
ReplyDeleteHow lovely those pictures are, the river, the blue blue sky with pretty clouds, and the foothills. So calming and beautiful. I'm glad you took the time to drive out and enjoy this day. Blessings, GM
Thank you GM for such a kind comment! I find that visiting my favorite blogs like yours helps me a lot, too!
DeleteUnfortunately anger fuels anger. It's easy to say the words "Let it go," but it's hard to actually do it. I'm glad you have both your church and nature to give you strength and comfort. I try to find comfort in my art. I hope you continue to feel that strength and comfort in the days ahead, dear Holly. Your photos show a world so different from mine, and so beautiful, too.
ReplyDeleteYour art spreads out and all through the world via your blog and your sharing the actual cards and creations!
DeleteActually, I do a lot of what you described. Solitude is my choice, whether it be a church, a park, a good book, working in the yard or whatever triggers my joy at trying times. Even talking to myself works. It just depends. Love seeing your scenery today. The quiet, peaceful surroundings of a desert is soothing
ReplyDeletePs...how could I forget the Halloween decor?!! Perfect.
DeleteI bet your early morning bird-finding outings are especially quiet and calm! I like your "talking to yourself" method, too. I'm going to try that!
DeleteSo sorry you are having trouble dealing with your old job, Holly. What do I do when the world seems overwhelming?.....just what you did, say the Rosary, and it really does make things better. We get the strength we need to deal with careless people. Your drive sounds very nice. The stained glass windows in your church are beautiful. That is such a pretty photo of the reservoir. I'm glad you got to browse through Walmart. I really miss shopping there. The nearest one is about an hour away. I like your delightful vintage cutouts you bought.
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel better, and you mean a lot to me, dear Holly.
~Sheri
Sheri, you are always so kind and so gracious! Thank you so much for your comments. Your blog is so beautiful -- because it is a reflection of beautiful you! (and your daughters)
DeleteYou have every right to be angry, all things considered. The accounting request was the last straw of things they didn't live up to promises on, IIRC. When I get to that (thankfully rare!) mental state, it seems I need to do something physical and requires mental focus, but not lots of thinking. Pull weeds, dig up dead shrubs, hammer something, shovel snow. Or deep clean someplace in the house - oh my! by the looks of a few spots I need to get royally peeved a bit more often :-O
ReplyDeleteWhat a great idea! I think I'm going to do some sorting and throwing out today!
DeleteI think the anger you have felt over your situation is normal and it does take some time to totally get over it. I have been in similar situations and my mind just wouldn't let go of the anger and righteous indignation I felt. I needed to be sure I had done the right thing, and I did have some doubts and fears, especially when I had no other job to go to. But one thing I learned was to literally release my hurt and anger to Jesus in prayer, in singing hymns to myself and to the Lord, sitting in His beautiful creation, allowing Him to sing to me from His birds and breezes and beauties all around. He covered me with His feathers and hid me in the palm of His hand, where He cradled me and caressed me until I was able to relax and rest in Him. I spent a lot of time in His Word, especially the Psalms. I find peace in outdoor chapels in the woods or by a river or lake. It takes time to heal from such hurt, but you will heal. God is with you and He will never forsake you. And in His time, He will lead you to the right place for you. In the meantime, just rest in Him and let Him do the searching and the work and the healing. Yes, take those rides...go to church, whether it be with people or without...find your own private place to seek God's face and pray. And then do things you enjoy, like decorating for fall, or gardening, or closet cleaning...whatever makes you feel good. God has good plans for you. Just keep your eyes on Him!! (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteI seek nature and God. This week I have started a new devotional in the morning.
ReplyDeleteI have a son in the military, my fear for him as of late has been getting the best of me. I know FEAR is a sin. I am working hard on TRUST!
Love, Carla
I love this post. It's nice for us to have a conversation about how hard it is right now. It's been quite a strain on us all with the pandemic and everything else going on in the world around us. I love to get out in nature and I always say, I can't have a bad day on a day that I hike. I'm also working on some little junk journals and that has been fun. Love seeing your outdoors photos and the cute decorations! Sweet hugs!
ReplyDelete